Written by Niki Davis with and exclusively for For Her Box
Here is my most FAQ I get in regards to Anal Play, if you have one not answered here please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will happily answer it for you, Nik
Why does anal sex feel good?
Anal sex can be immensely pleasurable for folks of all genders and sexual orientations. The muscles surrounding the anus have a hugely dense amount of nerve endings, which is necessary to control your bowels, however, an added benefit is that it makes the area around the anus particularly sensitive to touch.
Men also have a prostate area, which sits about 3-4 inches inside the rectum towards the root of the penis. Known as the male G-spot, this area has tons of nerve endings and can lead to earth-shattering pleasure and full-body orgasms. Anal sex can also feel good for women because the internal structure of the clitoris can be stimulated through anal sex and if you can pair that with the simulation of the external clitoris the sensation can feel heavenly!
I’m interested in getting my straight partner interested in anal play, but I don’t know how to introduce it. Help!
There is an outdated assumption that somehow anal play is gay and straight men shouldn’t be interested. This is absurd, as anal play can feel good for everyone regardless of gender, and a penis is only one of the many items you can put in your butt. I would suggest having an honest conversation with your partner about your interest in anal play to gauge where there are at. You could share some information about why anal play could feel good for them and have some ideas of how you can start experimenting slowly. If they are interested perhaps you can surprise them with a fun little toy to play with. If they are not interested, you should never push anyone to do anything if they are not comfortable with it, unfortunately, this will be their loss.
I am interested in trying anal sex with my partner but I’m unsure how to best prepare for visitors. Specifically, I’m worried about the poop situation. Is there any way to ensure the area is clean?
When you’re entering the place that we defecate out of, you have to accept that there may be a little bit of fecal matter. However, in general, your rectum and anus are quite clean. Remember, the fecal matter doesn’t just chill at the entrance of your anus waiting to be released, it is housed higher up in the anal cavity. Therefore, the chances of fingers or even a penis coming in contact with a full turd are almost nil. You are more likely to come in contact with just a smidgen of poo, so it isn’t a big deal.
However, if you are really worried about the fecal matter you can have anal sex one to three hours after you have your morning (or evening) release. You can then shower and put a finger inside yourself to clean around the area. You can also douche the area to ensure that any remanence of the rectal matter is cleared out.
What types of Lube are best for anal sex?
Before we go into what type of lube to use, I think it’s important to cover what type of use not to use. I highly recommend you DO NOT use numbing lubricants for anal sex. For sex to feel great you want to be able to feel the pleasure, and numbing lube will block the sensations. As well, there can be some harmful effects of numbing the anus, because physical pain is your body’s way of telling you that an action should be stopped. If you can’t feel the pain you may not know if you are tearing tissue or otherwise harming yourself.
For anal sex, I highly recommend using lubricants made specifically for anal sex. The Intimate Earth Relaxing Gel is great because it has relaxing agents that help the body prepare for anal sex. As well the Back Door Anal Comfort Serum creates a protective film around the anus that can slightly reduce sensitivity, while not decreasing sensation. There is also a funky Anal Lubricant Applicator Set which you can apply before anal sex to lubricate inside your anus.
I don’t think I’m ready for anal sex, but I like the idea of experimenting with the area. What can I do?
A really easy way to assess if anal sex is something for you is to begin with a finger. Try touching your penis or vulva, and then slowly put some lube on a finger and put it inside your booty. Play around with sensation and pressure and see if it enhances the experience for you. There are a ton of nerve endings on the anal sphincter so often even rubbing around the anus without going in feels good. There is also an area called the perineum, which sits between the anus and the scrotum which also has tons of nerve endings that feel good when pressure is applied. A fun toy to experiment with is the Finger Fuck Glove, which can help you experience different types of stimulation with something smaller and with different textures.
There are also some slightly larger toys to experiment with that are less invasive than putting a penis in there. For example, Calexotics has a Five Piece wearable training set. This set starts small and can help you work your way into relaxing your sphincter muscles for something larger like a penis. You could also purchase a Seven Part Eduction Set which has smaller butt plugs, anal lube, an anal enema, and a complete guide of how to use the products in a fun and safe way.
What are the best positions for anal sex for a beginner?
Before putting anything larger in there, I highly suggest playing around with putting a finger inside your partner during other types of play so they can get used to the sensation. For example, putting a finger inside your partner during penetration or oral stimulation can feel amazing for folks of all genders. Licking your partner’s anus can also be an arousing act of foreplay.
When you are ready to try penetration a good start could be a spooning position, where the penetrating partner spoons the receiving partner and then slowly begins to penetrate them. This position tends to work better with a larger penis or toy, but it allows for concurrent clitoral stimulation which is nice. Other good starter positions could be lying down doggy style or missionary position. Additionally, if the penetrating partner sits on the bed and the receiver slowly sits on their penis, that could feel amazing. Sometimes you have to be patient, as it might take a minute to figure out what works best for you as anal sex is inherently a little harder to figure out than vaginal penetration.
What types of toys are there for anal sex?
The main options for anal play are anal beads, anal plugs, prostate and perineum massagers, and dildos. When putting anything inside your butt there must be a wide flared base so you don’t get something stuck up there and awkwardly have to explain your situation at the ER. I will go through some of my favorites, but you can explore hundreds of anal toys here.
If you are interested in anal beads, the Sensuelle Homme Flexii Beads are powerful vibrating beads that can feel incredible, especially when they are used in conjunction with genital pleasure. The Satisfier is another less expensive, more beginner set of anal beads that can feel phenomenal when they are pulled out during climax.
The Nu Sensuelle is a fantastic beginner butt plug. It has a remote so you don’t have to experience the uncomfortable situation of attempting to control the speed or intensity of stimulation with buttons that are in your butthole. The Femme Funn is a versatile vibrator that can be used both vaginally and anally. This sensation can feel amazing when used vaginally during oral sex while putting a finger inside your butt or it can be used anally while engaged in oral sex or vaginal penetration… YES PLEASE! Remember, it is particularly important to have a toy cleaner for your sex toys, especially when you are using them in the vagina and the anus.
Zero Tolerance also had an amazing toy for men that has two separate rings that cradle the penis and balls and is attached to a vibrating butt plug. It combines the pleasure of pressure on the prostate with the gentle tugging of your balls and the pressure on the tip of your penis to keep your erections hard and pleasurable. As well, WeVibe has a prostate and perineum massager which facilitates intense stimulation both inside and outside of your anus. Either of these toys would feel amazing in conjunction with a blow job. Remember, straight men can use toys too, as amazing as vaginas are, they don’t vibrate!
I’m interested in pegging my partner but I don’t know where to start and feel a little bit weird about why I’m so excited by this!
Pegging can be an awesome way for folks that are usually receivers to get a sense of what it is like to fuck someone. As we discussed, stimulating the prostate can be the way for men to experience intense, full-body orgasms, and feeling in control of that pleasure can feel fantastic. For pegging, use a ton of anal lube and start slowly by fingering your partner before you penetrate them. Tantus has an awesome strap-on set that also has a smaller and larger dildo so you can start smaller and work your way up.
I have become comfortable using smaller toys and having anal sex with my partner. I’m ready for the next level. What do you suggest are more advanced toys that I could play with alone or with my partner?
Exciting that you are ready for more advanced anal play! If you enjoy the sensation of butt plugs, The Nu Sensual Power Plug is larger, has 20 vibration functions, and an easy control device. This sensation would feel amazing on its own, or during a blog job or vaginal sex with a partner. If you prefer more of a ribbed sensation, the FemmeFun has a larger ribbed vibrating anal plug.
If you want to play around with a different material, ICLICES has a glass butt plug. This plug can feel incredible either warmed up or cooled down. It even has a vibrating option and a removable suction cup base! Also, if you are one to enjoy the exciting risks of life, there is an advanced mystery box!
What’s new and cool in anal sex toys?
Zero Tolerance has a shape-shifting inflatable butt plug! Made from smooth silicone, this innovative butt plug has an inflatable shaft so you can put it inside you and inflate up to seven spreads! Finally, Doc Johnson has a thrusting and thumping toy which has a motorized weight so that it can create thrusting sensations! I would suggest exploring the many anal toys that are out there because each anus is unique and beautiful and it may take some exploration to find what is right for you. As Zachary Zane once said, sometimes your eyes are bigger than your holes, so it’s often better to start small and work your way up!
I want to try anal but I’m worried about general safety. Especially because I am someone who gets UTIs.
You mention a very important point. The most common way that folks get UTIs is when a tiny bit of the bacteria that is in fecal matter gets in or around their vagina. When you are engaging in anal play, you must keep track of which finger is doing what, as once a finger goes inside someone’s booty you must wash it before you put it in their vagina. Similarly, once you have anal sex, you have to wash your penis before proceeding to vaginal sex. If you are someone who gets UTIs a lot I would also take a shower after sexy time and wash the inside of your vagina. You can also take a couple of preventative cranberry pills or Vitamin D Mannose following anal sex, as slip-ups are common.
I am not fluid bonded with my partner, how do I have Anal Sex Safely?
Just like with vaginal sex, a condom should protect you from most STIs during anal sex. One big difference is that unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating. As a result, USE A LOT OF LUBE! This will prevent tearing and make the experience more pleasurable and safer for all.